APRIL 5, 1970
Sunday, April 5, 1970, Octave of the Resurrection of Jesus. It is five minutes to ten in the morning. I am at my typewriter, because Our Lord ordered me to do so five minutes ago. I will describe the circumstances because He wants me to.
All the days of Lent were very difficult for me due to my physical ailments that also increased a spiritual despondency, each day more intense. (He wants me to describe all this right now.)
As He Himself announced a last message to the world, in our community we were begging insistently that He would deign to give it to the Holy Father, for example, or to some other influential person so that it would be heeded. But. . .Jesus is incomprehensible in His ways, because He is God.
Well, this morning I awoke late and for that reason I could not go to Holy Mass with the community; all because of my poor state of health.
(This, I confess, this causes me sadness, a type of rebellion, morally speaking; because, as I have said on other occasions, I am neither humble nor patient. And it makes me sad to see that I find myself reduced to a sluggish body, a bother that demands more than what a religious who loves her Rule and wants to keep up with her community in everything should give it. But, I repeat: I understand that this feeling in me is a lack of humility and patience.)
Well, with this rather poorly disposed spirit, I took care of myself as I am used to doing every morning, this attention lasting almost two hours. Then I came to our cell to do the cleaning, thinking that, at ten in the morning, I would go to Mass. But it didnít happen that way. Jesus already had other plans. In such a way that I scarcely took the mop and entered our cell when I heard that He was calling me from the little Chapel:
"Come. . .but quickly!"
I ran immediately and prostrated myself before the Tabernacle. Then He said to me:
"Isolate yourself all day just for Me."
"Lord, and the Mass?" And He answered me:
"It will be later at an opportune time. "
I was going to leave the Chapel to inform my community (for I must advise it) of this order, when He said to me:
"Take the Holy Bible."
He was referring to the Holy Bible we have in the Chapel and that has color plates. Because we have others in other places and I myself have another Holy Bible, because in our community reading the Bible is a part of the Rule. But the one He indicated to me that I should take is the Spanish version of Torres-Amat.
Well, I took it and went down quickly to give notice to my community that, by order of Jesus, I would not be available this day for anyone, only for Him. I saw the clock and it was ten minutes to ten in the morning. Then, as I have noted here, at five minutes to ten, I came to begin these notes.
Now it is eight minutes after ten. On entering the cell, without knowing where to begin, He has said to me:
"Take the typewriter and write, kneeling, on your bed. Take notes of what I have said to you."
(And the voice of Jesus faded completely while I wrote the preceding.)
Here I am, then, waiting what He might order.
I do not know what He is going to dictate to me. But, if it is His will that I tell my brothers and sisters all the circumstances of the moment, I will permit myself to tell them. There is a wonderful detail most fitting to be mentioned.
Although, as I have said, in our community we are avid readers of the Holy Bible, in common as well as in private, nevertheless, I read it very little, but that is not to say that I do not read it at all, because, since he has given me these messages for the world, I have stopped private readings and assist only at community readings.
Nevertheless, two days ago, I felt a great desire, almost a need, to read the Apocalypse. That is one of the books I have read very little, because, I confess, I feel a little upset when I read it, not understanding it.
But, because the messages speak of the fulfillment of predictions, obviously I felt that desire of confirming the times and all the rest in the messages and the realization of those messages that are, in fact, being fulfilled in part by reading the Apocalypse.
Two nights ago I read about the opening of the seven seals and of the seven angels with the vials they poured out on the earth, etc. But, I confess, I was as confused as ever.
It is 10:15. Jesus has said to me at this time:
"Open to Exodus."(I obey.)
It is 12:45, mid-day. I have finished reading Exodus, as Jesus ordered me, up to Chapter XX and I am bewildered, without making any deduction or conclusion of what words Our Lord might want me to notice or reflect upon.
Although I have been very impressed on going over what is described about the obstinacy of Pharaoh and how Our Lord says to Moses that the kingís moral state is the reason why divine grace cannot operate in his soul.
Also, my attention was drawn very powerfully to the insistence of God Our Lord on having chosen Moses as His intermediary, because he felt, and certainly was, very useless. And this makes me acknowledge that God, Who is Almighty, almost always uses this economy: of making use of what is of no use.
This humbles me and I feel intimately the divine motion of abandoning myself in the hands of the Lord, if He wishes, through my means, to make known His will to His children now. Who am I to oppose Him or to suggest that He make use of some other person?
I am here, then, awaiting the voice of my Jesus, begging His pardon if my attitude has offended Him because I might want to avoid His divine action.
I have a premonition about this because I have just finished reading to Chapter XX of Exodus and I do not understand what Our Lord wants me to understand of it.
I have stopped reading because I feel tired and besides, I believe the following chapters, although they are from the same book, Exodus, have the character of legislation; for I just finished reading the dictation of the Ten Commandments and the following chapter speaks of judicial laws.
I have made a pause, feeling the need to raise my soul to Lord and so I am doing it.
It is 1:45 in the afternoon.
When I suspended the preceding notes I closed my eyes and concentrated my mind on this single thought: How great and incomprehensible is the Lord our God!
Then I said to Him: "For what other purpose have You called me, O my Lord and God? What do You want to say to me now? Speak to me, I get you! And forgive me if I have resisted Your orders! I am prepared to face any danger, risk or shame to carry out what You may deign to order that I do on behalf of Your greater glory and the good of my brothers and sisters."
And Jesus said to me:
"Open the Book of Deuteronomy. "
I open it and leaf through its pages. When page 201 appeared He said to me:
"Read this chapter."
It was Chapter XXXII, the "Prophetic Canticle of Moses," and, as I was reading it, Our Lord was indicating to me:
And so I read to page 205, where Chapter XXXIV ends: "The Death of Moses."
When I finished doing this reading, Our Lord said to me:
"Close the book and make a note of this discussion you have had with Me. Then meditate a little while without thinking of anything else."